All or Nothing
by Truish
Summary: A novelette that explores the post-war relationship between Zechs and Noin. She loves him, but love isn't enough. How can a woman expect to have a future with a man who can't break free from his past?


August 31, AC 199

"Miss Noin! You can't leave!"

Lucrezia Noin nodded at the crewmen working the launch area as she waited to board the shuttle to Earth.

"Watch me," she replied. "Try not to miss me too much, boys."

"It isn't Zechs, is it?" Jenkins asked. "I'll keep you company if he won't."

Noin shook her head, privately amused. "I've just been called back to work," she said. "It's a temporary assignment."

Everyone assumed there was something going on between Noin and her companion, the leader of their little project, Zechs Marquise.

Everyone was wrong.

Noin had tried, really tried, to establish something other than a friendship between Zechs and herself, but the man just couldn't take a hint. Even her decision to answer Lady Une's request and return to Earth hadn't gotten a decent reaction out of him.

"I'll miss you," she'd said after giving him the pertinent information.

"It's only two years," he'd replied. "You'll be back in the lab before you know it."

At her going away party last night, he'd actually shaken her hand. That was it. No hug or kiss, no fond goodbye. Just a handshake and his hope that she'd have a good trip. She might as well have been another one of the men under his command.

The boarding call came and Noin took one last look around the launch area before heading up the gangway. He hadn't even come to see her off.

* * *

><p>November 16, AC 199<p>

The problem with returning to Earth after an extended period in space was literally the weight of the world. Noin stepped off the shuttle and felt twenty pounds heavier.

_Thank you, gravity_, she thought, squaring her shoulders and forcing her chin up. Her body would get used to the pressure in a few days, and everything would be fine.

"Fancy meeting you here, stranger."

Noin turned toward the familiar voice, genuinely smiling for the first time since leaving Zechs behind on Mars.

"Sally Po! Or is it Sally Chang now?" Noin met her old comrade with a hug. "You're my ticket out of this place?"

"Sure am," Sally said cheerfully. "I may not be a Preventer anymore, but that wasn't going to stop me from picking up an old friend at the spaceport. And it's still Po—Wufei and I are trying not to draw any unnecessary attention to ourselves."

Noin shouldered her carryon—which also felt twenty pounds heavier now—and followed Sally away from the shuttle. She was sweating by the time they reached Sally's car, and she was glad that it would be a few days before she was officially due to report in.

"So how did Une manage to convince you to come all the way back to Earth to train new agents?" Sally asked as she maneuvered out of the parking garage and into traffic.

"I used to train cadets for OZ," Noin explained. "There isn't much happening on Mars right now anyway. We're in a terraformation phase that requires a lot of waiting and observing, and very little actual work, and I thought it might be a nice break."

Zechs hadn't, though. He was bored to frustration watching the surface of the red planet slowly change, but he seemed to feel it was his mission. He hadn't said much when Noin announced her intent to leave, but she suspected that some time apart would be good for them both.

"Where's the little one?" Noin asked. "I see the carseat, but I don't see the kid. I was hoping I'd finally get a chance to meet him."

Sally hesitated a second before answering. "Heero's babysitting, actually," she said slowly.

"Heero?" Noin asked. "Heero _Yuy_? Are you sure that's safe?"

Noin didn't think that Heero would intentionally hurt a child, but it seemed unlikely that the former gundam pilot had much experience with babies, either.

"It's fine," Sally said, laughing. "He asked if he could watch Len, and they've been doing great together so far. Honestly, I think it's good practice for him—he didn't have a clue at first, and he and Relena are going to need all the help they can get."

It took a moment to digest that. Noin blamed the twelve week journey from Mars, followed by an assault from the Earth's gravity.

"They're nineteen," Noin said after she'd processed the information. "Please tell me you're kidding."

"So's Wufei, and Len's only six months old," Sally replied. "They may be young, but they're a lot more mature than most of their peers. I think they'll be okay, as long as they don't let the media attention psych them out. Not that they've told anyone in the media yet—I only mentioned it to you because I thought you already knew."

"I didn't," Noin confessed. "Communication between Earth and Mars isn't working very well. It might be years before it can be stabilized. Most of what we hear comes from new recruits, and we haven't had many of those lately."

She watched the city roll by as Sally drove toward the coast. It had changed a lot in the years she'd been gone. The scars left over from the war were mostly gone, and the whole place had a scrubbed, fresh look.

"Zechs should see this," Noin murmured. "This change. This peace. He can't seem to embrace it himself yet, but I think he might if he could only see this."

"Mmm," Sally said. "It's like this everywhere. Earth. The colonies. Everything is changing for the better. It's why I finally felt like I could settle down, go back to practicing medicine, and start a family."

"It must be nice," Noin replied. Truthfully, she envied Sally's life more than she wanted to let on. Zechs cared for her, she knew that, but he rarely showed affection. Noin wasn't ready for marriage or children, but it would be nice if he'd just treat her like a lady every once in a while. The war was over. She was tired of being treated like a soldier or, worse, a subordinate.

Sally took the freeway exit for the coastal road and headed away from the city. Noin wondered where they were going, but she had to admit that the seaside view was amazing. Finally, about a half-hour later, Sally turned off the main road and onto a winding, private drive.

"This is beautiful," Noin murmured, taking in ancient trees that turned the drive up the hillside into a colorful tunnel. She could only imagine how it must look in the summer, when the leaves were green and lush instead of red-gold and drooping.

"Wait until you see the house," Sally replied, chuckling. "Relena really went all-out when she bought this place."

"I can imagine." Relena never had done things by halves. It was good to see that some things hadn't changed.

They went around one more bend in the drive and the house came into view behind an antique-style wrought iron gate set in a thick stone wall.

"It's pink," Noin said, staring at the elegant villa. _I really shouldn't be surprised_, Noin thought._ Not if Relena is behind this._ "It looks like Barbie's dream house."

Sally laughed. "It was actually like that when she bought it. Heero's trying to talk her into redecorating, but I don't think he's had any luck so far. The inside isn't so bad—it's been completely renovated. Even Relena couldn't handle that much pink."

The guard at the gatehouse recognized Sally's car and let them in, waving as they passed. Sally drove past the front of the house, following the drive around to the back. The stone wall gave way to a high, wrought iron fence that wouldn't obstruct the ocean view. In addition to being perfectly situated to take advantage of everything nature had to offer, the house was complete with a pool, a hot tub, and a large garage. Clearly, Relena was doing well for herself.

"Preventer doesn't provide Relena's security?" Noin asked, noting that the guard had been wearing a different uniform.

"Not anymore," Sally replied. "It was considered a conflict of interest, having a government-funded group like Preventer provide personal security to government officials. People were concerned that Preventer would eventually turn into another military force like OZ and be used against private citizens. Everyone has to hire their own private security now. Even the President."

"So what does Preventer do?" Noin asked. She knew Une would brief her when she officially started her duties, but it was always good to be a few steps ahead.

"The same thing it was formed to do," Sally replied. "Put out fires. We may not personally watch over government officials, but we do keep an eye out for possible assassination attempts, terrorist attacks, or any situation that might lead to takeover or war. Things have been going well so far."

Sally parked the car in front of the garage and they got out. Noin left her bag in the car—her assigned quarters were in a boardinghouse near the Preventer building—and followed Sally into the house. It was as elegant on the inside as it was out, but nothing felt sterile or excessive. It was—cozy. Welcoming.

"Relena has good taste," Noin murmured. Sally nodded.

In the living room, a kid that could only be Sally's six-month-old was lying on a blanket, absorbed in a teething ring. Initially, he seemed to be alone in the room, but Noin spotted Heero's dark hair as she walked past the sofa. He was sitting on the floor, leaning against the sofa, just watching the baby play. He didn't look up at them, but Noin didn't doubt that he was aware of their presence in the room. Len had noticed his mother and dropped the toy. He reached for Sally, smiling in that way that only babies can.

"How's he doing?" Sally asked, dropping to the floor to tickle Len's pudgy belly.

"Fine," Heero replied. "He's been quiet today."

_He's changed, too_, Noin realized. Heero wasn't weak, not by any means, but he did seem softer. Or, at the very least, a little less abrasive. _Even Heero has let go of the war. I wonder when Zechs's turn will come?_

"Hello, Heero," she said, stepping into his line of sight and smiling. "It's been a while."

"Noin." Heero's eyes widened ever-so-slightly. He hadn't been expecting her. "Is Zechs here, too?"

She shook her head. "He's still on Mars. Watching bacteria grow. I'm here on a temporary basis, to train some new recruits for Lady Une."

"Hn." Heero got to his feet. He'd had a growth spurt since Noin had last seen him. He still looked like a wiry, gangly boy, in spite of his height, but she could see that he'd be quite the charmer once he filled out a bit. Not that it mattered—Noin didn't think anything would tear him away from Relena. He'd always had a fondness for her, even back during the war. That they were involved wasn't a surprise to her—the only shock had been their carelessness, getting pregnant while they were still so young.

"I'm going to check on Relena," he said, abruptly walking out. Noin watched him go, and felt her smile slip. _Maybe he hasn't changed that much after all_.

"Don't mind him," Sally murmured. "I think he's beating himself up over the situation with Relena. She's taking it much better than he is. He's probably worried about what her brother might have to say about all this—for all that they were at odds during the war, Heero seems to have healthy amount of respect for Zechs."

"I think it's mutual," Noin replied. _Although it might not be once Zechs learns about this._

"You think it'll stay that way?" Sally asked, apparently reading Noin's mind.

"It probably depends on how it's presented to him," Noin said thoughtfully. "He's always tried to watch out for Relena, and he trusted Heero to protect her. He might see this as a betrayal."

He might also see it as the inevitable result of a years-long attraction, but Noin doubted that. Zechs was a great man in many ways, but he was not a romantic. Noin could attest to that firsthand.

"Well, we probably won't have to worry about Zechs for a while if communications are as bad as you say," Sally said. "Come see Len. I want to go upstairs and check on Relena myself, but let's give Heero a chance to tell her what's going on first. She's been—delicate. The morning sickness really has her down."

"That's a shame," Noin said, plopping down next to Sally so she could play with the baby. Len had apparently inherited Sally's cheerful nature—he smiled and grabbed for Noin's hand when she waved at him.

_It must be nice to be so carefree_, she thought.

* * *

><p>Noin settled in to life on Earth quickly. Between her work and her friends, she didn't have time to miss Zechs as much as she'd feared. There was simply too much to do—girls' nights out with Sally, helping Relena plan her wedding, babysitting Len whenever Heero hadn't called dibs. And, of course, training the next batch of Preventers.<p>

She'd always enjoyed teaching, and her recruits were an enjoyable challenge after so many years of slow and steady work on Mars.

One of them, Scott, was a persistent admirer, but Noin couldn't quite bring herself to return his affections. Not when she was still counting the days since she'd seen Zechs and anticipating their reunion. Two years was a long time. People changed. Maybe he'd change, too.

* * *

><p>Notes: Yeah, it's another Leap of Faith tie-in. I had a whole ZechsNoin subplot planned out, but there just wasn't space for it. It felt awkward and tacked on, so I cut it out and expanded on it a bit, and this is what I got. Expect updates to be sporadic; Leap of Faith is still my primary focus and some of this is going to be spoiler-ish.

This is really a romance/drama fic, and a bit of an exercise in characterization. Still. I hope you guys enjoy it!


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